Ocean Coral Spring: From Five-Star Dream to Two-Star Nightmare
Alright, let me just say this loud and clear—Ocean Coral Spring Resort in Trelawny, Jamaica, was not it. Not even close. I walked in expecting luxury and relaxation, only to get DIY cleaning duty, broken safes, and some of the most mid food I’ve ever tasted at a so-called “five-star” resort. I went in with my hopes high and came out with a disinfectant list. Buckle up; this story is going to get real.
First Impressions Can Be Deceiving
So I arrive at Ocean Coral Spring, and the lobby? Fabulous. Smells good, looks good—everything you expect when you’re dropping major coins for a little piece of paradise. They hand me this welcome drink, and let me tell you, it’s strong. But don’t let the good smells and cocktails fool you! That’s where the luxury stopped, and the nightmare began.
The Room Disaster: Where’s My Lysol?
We get our keys, roll our bags up to the room, and—BAM. It’s like a horror show. My bathroom? Not clean. The toilet? A mess. I mean, really, I’m the guest here, not the maid! But guess who ended up playing maid? Yep, me. Why? Because it was late, I was exhausted, and after an entire day of travel, I just wanted to sleep. Meanwhile, my mom’s room was giving “third-rate motel” vibes. They’d draped bedsheets over the furniture, trying to cover up who-knows-what. Seriously, in what world is this acceptable for a five-star resort?
Oh, and the safe? Useless. Out of our whole dinner table crew, not a single person had a working safe. And wouldn’t you know, that’s going to come into play later…
Room Makeover, or Lack Thereof
After some back-and-forth, they finally agreed to switch my mom’s room. But when we checked the new room—furniture in even worse condition! At this point, the room was serving more DIY reno project than “luxury stay.” They even had to remove a whole piece of furniture and replace it. At a five-star resort! I could barely believe it. And yet… it just kept getting worse.
And Then, Poof! $200 Gone.
Fast forward a bit. It’s day two, and I go to grab some cash. And guess what? $200 is missing. Now remember, that safe was broken. So, safe or no safe, that cash was gone. Just like that. From then on, I didn’t leave a single thing of value in the room. I carried my wallet everywhere, even to the pool.
Unauthorized Entries: Because Apparently, Room Security Is Optional
And just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, I find out my mother’s room had an unauthorized entry. Yep, someone went in her room without permission. They clearly didn’t even care about covering it up either, leaving things all messed up. We reported it, and management assured us an “investigation” would be conducted. Spoiler alert: We still haven’t heard anything back.
The Food Situation: “Five-Star” With a Side of Bland
Now, I’m not a picky eater, but when you’re at a high-end resort, you expect something halfway decent. Let’s just say the food was serving more “airplane meal” than luxury resort. Breakfast was an ordeal—had to go to two stations just to get a simple over-easy egg done right. The Route 66 restaurant saved the day a bit with its salmon and chicken, and I can’t lie, the bread pudding was the real MVP. But overall? It was meh at best.
The Overall “Experience”: Backwards in Every Way
Don’t even get me started on the checkout experience. Imagine holding up the entire lobby at peak checkout time to mop the floor? The lines were chaotic, with check-ins and checkouts all in one line. If the goal was to leave guests frustrated on the way out, congrats, they nailed it.
But Was There Any Bright Spot?
The one saving grace? The swim-up pool staff. Akeem and the others were the MVPs, making sure we had a blast, even jumping in on content creation with me. Honestly, they were the only thing keeping my blood pressure down during this “vacation.”
Final Verdict: Never Again
Would I go back? Only if you paid me, and even then, I’d bring my own Clorox wipes and a backup lock. This was not just a bad experience—it was a wake-up call to really check those reviews before you book. Ocean Coral Spring is a “five-star” on the outside, but don’t let that fool you. Two stars at best—and that’s being generous.
